GEEZER IRONIES

If you aren't sure if you are mature enough to be considered a geezer, check your mailbox. My mail usually consists of Modern Maturity and AARP magazines, investment opportunities, and coupons for denture adhesives, hearing aids, and cemetery plots. One of the greatest geezer ironies is that while life experiences have made us wiser and…

JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!

Those were the words that struck fear into the hearts of every child in the era of my youth. Like nearly all my young friends, I grew up in a traditional home of the 1960s. Dad was seldom home. He worked at least 60 hours a week and came home tired and dirty. I'm sure…

SEX STILL SELLS

Sex sells. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the world of advertising. Automobile manufacturers were the first to discover it. They found that if they draped a beautiful, young, scantily clad woman across the hood of a car, profits would soar. There was no going back. Other advertisers quickly sat up and took notice.…

FIT FOR A QUEEN

I need a tiara. Yes, I want a bejeweled headdress so large and sparkly that onlookers will have to view me through a pinhole in a piece of cardboard as if I were an eclipse, or they may be blinded by the glare. My escorts (because of course, I would have handsome escorts) would require…