THE SCENT OF A WOMAN IS NOW FRUIT SALAD

According to researchers, scents have a powerful effect on the libido. Years ago, the scent of a woman was apt to be roses, lilacs, lilies, or lavender. These days, it is more likely to be pears, melons, cucumber, and avocado. Haircare products come in kiwi, grape, coconut, and blueberry. Balms soothe the lips with raspberry,…

FIRE UP THE GRILL

I have no grilling skills and neither does my husband. I have tried the gas grill, the electric grill, and the standard charcoal briquette method. Everything I attempted to grill was burnt on the outside and bloody raw in the center. The only thing I did learn was that you should never add more lighter…

THE GRIM REAPER SCRIMMAGE

My whole family is sports impaired. Only one thing causes our competitive drive to shift out of neutral and into turbo: our health. It becomes a lot like a game show or a televised sporting event. There is no emcee, no audience, and no prize money, but the competition is weirdly fierce. After a particularly…

CALL 911 AND SEND IN A SEARCH PARTY

I summoned my courage and plunged into the shadowy abyss, gingerly picking my route. I knew the washing machine was down there somewhere amidst the rusty bicycles, half-empty cans of petrified paint, and boxes of clothing that I haven't been able to squeeze into since the Kennedy administration. I knew things had gotten out of…