When a local museum advertised a "Desserts of the World" festival, I eagerly signed up. The night before, I dreamed of platters of baklava, tiramisu, gelato, and dulce de leche, offered up on petite, frilly doilies or scooped into fluted crystal ramekins. I woke with a sodden pillow from all the drooling. The day before…
What Color is Food Obsession?
My friend Janice says I'm obsessed with food. It wasn't the first time she'd bailed me out of a food-related predicament, and it wouldn't be the last. Just because I'd protested the Esther Price Candy company by chaining myself to their rack at the local store until such time as the executives admit they'd engaged…
It’s Elementary, My Dear Watson
I knew something was amiss as soon as I stepped into the bathroom at work. It took me a moment to realize what it was. There was a steamy, oppresive heat in the air. A few minutes investigation revealed that the source of the heat was the water in the row of toilets. The water…
Never Stab a Bear With an Ice Pick
After 35 years of hiking, I thought I was aware of its inherent hazards. I'd never considered the possibility that I may step on an unspent mortar shell and blow my leg off. There's an area in West Virginia called Dolly Sods Wilderness. Over 70 years ago, as part of a training exercise, Army units…
My New Car is Spying on Me, and I Want it to Stop!
My new car is pretty and runs great, but its computer monitor knows way too much about me. I'll hereafter refer to the car as Latoya, because I don't want to reveal her make and model. I’ll bet you can figure it out. Because of the shortage of new cars, after buying it sight unseen,…
My First (and hopefully last) Ride in a Self-Driving Car
When my friend offered me a ride in her new all-electric, autonomous car, I looked it over with admiration, but also with puzzlement. I guess the car's sleek and streamlined look would've been spoiled by door handles, because there weren't any. I stood beside the front passenger door and scratched my head in puzzlement. How…
Hey, Millennials, Did You Forget to Change out of Your Pajamas This Morning?
There's a fashion trend among Millennials. They often appear in public looking as if they just rolled out of bed, in mussed bed-head, smeared mascara, and still clad in pajamas. It's ironic that when I was in middle school, I often woke in a panic after a recurrent nightmare in which I'd showed up at…
But Where Would You Keep the Ammo?
Did you know that naked hiking is now the third most popular pastime for nudists, following volleyball and swimming? The participants do wear footwear, so I'm not sure they qualify as true nudists. Perhaps they could be called podia-nudists. I was unable to persuade any of the conservative members of my walking/hiking group to give…
Fraudulence; There Oughta be a Law
I need an issue. Something to stir my sense of righteous indignation to the point I'll raise a fist in defiance and shout, "I'm not going to take it anymore!" The trouble is all the good issues are taken: global warming, nuclear proliferation, world hunger, soaring oil prices, pollution. I'm not politically minded, so what's…
A Boomer Without a Clue
Gen-Zers say we Boomers are out of touch with reality, clueless as to the ways of the world and the current cost of living. I resent that. I'm still hip and groovy. To help me keep up with the times and with upcoming events and appointments, I have a huge calendar hanging on the wall…
Levity & Brevity 