THE GRIM REAPER SCRIMMAGE

My whole family is sports impaired. Only one thing causes our competitive drive to shift out of neutral and into turbo: our health. It becomes a lot like a game show or a televised sporting event. There is no emcee, no audience, and no prize money, but the competition is weirdly fierce. After a particularly…

CALL 911 AND SEND IN A SEARCH PARTY

I summoned my courage and plunged into the shadowy abyss, gingerly picking my route. I knew the washing machine was down there somewhere amidst the rusty bicycles, half-empty cans of petrified paint, and boxes of clothing that I haven't been able to squeeze into since the Kennedy administration. I knew things had gotten out of…

MOM WAS A STRIPPER?

For one brief moment, back in the 1960s, I thought just maybe my family was more interesting than my adolescent mind had believed. While on our way to visit my grandparents in Michigan, Mom pointed out the window and said, "Look, kids, that's where I used to strip!" I had always thought my family tree…

A TEMPLE TO ALEX TREBEK

Lately I have been intrigued by media reports of people who believe they have seen signs of divinity in everyday objects. Among the sightings were the face of Jesus on a tortilla shell, deceased rock star Jim Morrison in a cloud formation, country singer Willie Nelson in a plate of spaghetti, the Virgin Mary on…