Levity & Brevity

My mom once drove without a license for over seven years. She'd had a license in her home state, but when she and Dad moved to another state, she opted to risk getting caught rather than take the required exam. I'm surprised she got away with it for that long. Her driving skills were not…

I went to high school in the late 1960s; the era of sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll, but all that passed me by. Because I believed my mom when she said nice girls didn't participate in any of those activities, I spent my teen years in my bedroom doing calculus homework and wistfully dreaming of the…

Ah, I thought as I pushed down the handle of the toilet and walked away. Now that I'd moved out of my childhood home, for the first time in my life I was secure in the knowledge that I no longer had to grab a plunger and hover anxiously as the water rose higher and…

My brief career as an ant farner. Don't believe the hype about those lazy bast***s.

I grew up in the kind of small, sleepy, rural midwestern town that comedians joke about. You've heard the joke. "If I had only six months to live, I'd move there because the time would seem twice as long." There were few opportunities for employment, for teens or anyone else. The few small businesses in…

I need direction in my life, both figuratively and literally. Maybe using my daily horoscope as a life coach, rather than as harmless entertainment, is not a good idea. It told me months ago, "You'll get a stretch of beautiful mental clarity." I'm still waiting. Another day's horoscope read, "Be glad that you recognize your…

My childhood home was a two-story old house with a wide front porch. It was shaded by mature trees perfect for climbing. In the side yard was a hugely overgrown shrub, with a bare space in the middle just big enough to climb into with a good book and be undisturbed. The yard was bordered…

Surely it couldn't be that hard to brew your own beer, Dad thought A cold beer sure would be refreshing after a long, hard day at work. With five children and lots of bills to pay, there wasn't much leftover cash for nonessentials like beer. After studying beer brewing in the A-C volume of our…

Rest and relaxation aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. While juggling the responsibilities of home and office, you dream of days of leisure. Then you get them, and soon the thrill wears off. After having extensive surgery, I was instructed to take it easy for 4-6 weeks. The first few days, while I was…

At this point, there was no repairing my reputation as the neighborhood crackpot. The neighbors are avoiding me. I fear I'm the talk of the neighborhood. I think I know why. I'll start at the beginning. The countertop in my aging kitchen is old, gold-flecked white laminate, which yellows and stains easily. Every few months…