Patently Ridiculous

I'm puzzled by the trend of numerous body piercings. Their only purpose seems to be ornamentation. When I worked at the local high school, a young lady with a tiny gold hoop sticking through her eyebrow came into the office. It was impossible to concentrate on what she was saying, so distracted was I by…

Patently Ridiculous Part Two

Did you know that the theft of used restaurant grease has become a multimillion-dollar industry? Me, either. I read in the newspaper that professional grease thieves can earn tens of thousands of dollars a year by sneaking up to the grease recycle bins behind restaurants and vacuuming out large amounts of left-over hamburger fat, french…

Santa’s Futons Dropped Off!

On the Christmas sale ad were the words, "Come look at Santa's futons, dropped off just in time for Christmas." It's a shame Santa's futons dropped off, but I don't think I want to go look at them. Are they floating around in a jar of formaldehyde like my cousin Linwood's gall stones? What part…

Fevered Musing

As I lay in bed, alternately groaning and blowing my sodden nose, my husband came into the room and asked how I was feeling. After a prolonged fit of coughing and sneezing, I attempted to rouse myself from my feverish, disoriented state and said, "Did you see that? I believe one of my lungs just…

Small Town Corruption?

I grew up in a rural area, but as a townie, so I don't know much about farming. When I went to the farm supply store with my raised-on-a-farm friend Marquita and saw the sign which advertized, "Back Rubs, Sows $29.95, Cattle $34.95," I was befuddled. I wasn't aware that farm animals were under such…